bulletbutt: So this little kid at church noticed I’m fat and asked me today “Why do you have a big belly?” I couldn’t really think of an acceptable answer for that so I simply responded: “Because I’m full of bees” I don’t think I’ve seen a more confused and terrified child in my life as I walked away, hearing him whisper “Bees…” to himself.
bryko: *emoji pitch conference* “What if…poop with eyes”
basedgosh: i will never understand why people use a potato as a metaphor for ugliness do you know how attractive potatoes can be i hate potatos
When you go to a friend's house to stay the night...
battlegoats: You know the one. It’s made of wool. It has satiny trim that tries to deceive you into thinking this will be a nice blanket experience. But it’s not. Every house has one. It’s buried deep in the bowels of the linen closet, under some afghans and a comforter with the down coming out of it, but make no mistake. The scratchy blanket is there. And it waits. yes i do know...